Crossroads
Now what?
There are all these moments representing crossroads in our lives; it seems when we are younger, they are bigger and more meaningful. Go to university or work? Get married or stay single? Big, huge, life-changing directional decisions. We get older and the moments seem more subtle, and it’s easier to ignore these crossroad moments and just keep on the same track without paying much attention to the left or the right.
Until something comes along and throws you off course.
For me, it wasn’t disease or illness, as it is and has been for many of my friends. It was a pickup truck slamming into the side of our SUV on our way to early Sunday Mass almost two years ago. The moments and weeks that followed were a string of reactions to the immediate needs at hand: call 911, get out the car, hospital, pray, cry, pray some more. Deal with pain and injury to myself, my husband and my mom. For five years prior to this day we had been sharing our home with my mom, learning to live with someone entering her “golden years” and marveling at her energy and zest for life. There were bumps in the road for sure – she is a strong whirlwind of a personality, and my husband and I are much quieter homebodies. We managed though, and things were going great. And then April 6th happened, and now things are different.
So how do we come back from that? One day at a time. It’s a cliche, for sure, but it’s also true. I have never cried so much in my life, but I did it privately, usually in the bathroom. I worked, because I had to – not because I wanted to. It was the absolute busiest time of the year where I was working, and I had responsibilities that were not easily passed off to others. I had to pull up my emotional bootstraps and try to make it through. A week after the accident, I was sidelined by extreme neck and shoulder pain, which persists in a much milder and manageable version today. It was my second crossroads in a week. I’m sure it’s not my last, either.
Today, my family is still healing. My husband, thank God, suffered three cracked ribs but healed quickly and only has residual pain from time to time. His ribs remind him sometimes, but otherwise he’s back to being my strong man – lifting things, mowing the lawn, giving me hugs whenever I want.
Mom and I six weeks post-accident; her left arm was just barely out of the sling.
My mom was badly injured. She was 73 at the time, and is a small-framed woman. She was partially ejected from her seatbelt and sustained a broken wrist, broken shoulder and cracked pelvis. She was in hospital for two weeks and in a rehabilitation facility for four. She couldn’t walk for four weeks. It was nearly three weeks before she could carry on a reasonable conversation – the pain and confusion was overwhelming. She is slowly, day by day, becoming more like the mom we knew prior to “all this”, but she’ll never be entirely the same. Her left arm can raise to 45 degrees, and that’s it. Her energy is abysmal to middling; she’ll manage an activity or a trip out of the house for half a day, then be down for two. To be quite honest, it sucks. She is looking forward to her 75th birthday in a month, and I’m so grateful she has made it through this. Bruised, weaker, but still here and still my indomitable mom.
As for me, I struggled through my injury badly. I blocked it out as much as I could, because I had six weeks of intense busy-ness to see through. I took more Tylenol and Advil than I have in my life, and managed the pain spasms with Thermacare heat wraps daily. Physio went on for months. Intra-muscular acupuncture was added to the routine and made the difference. I am pretty much pain-free, for the first time in over a year. When I get stressed/tense, the pain spasms up again and is a very real physical reminder of the mind-body connection. Dealing with lawyers and ICBC didn’t help matters, but that was resolved this past summer and it honestly felt like a huge weight was lifted. Finally, nearly two years hence, my family and I are able to get through a few days and sometimes weeks at a time without referring to “the accident” in our conversation. I can’t wait for it to be a distant memory.
So that’s my big story. It’s what colours much of my experience now. I needed to get it out, get it in writing and out of my system.
Mom and I in our cabin on the Celebrity Mercury enroute to Alaska last summer
The accident pushed me to a crossroads. I had to take serious stock of what is important to me and it forced me to make some decisions. I changed jobs. It was a difficult decision to make because I had invested so much of myself in my job, including a level of creativity I hadn’t been able to express in other jobs. But I felt I was too indispensable, and being hit by a truck tends to remind you of your dispensability, and quick. Mostly I needed a change. And then, soon after all the lawyer stuff was resolved, I came to my senses and realized that my job change was not in my best interests after all. It felt like all the stress changed me into a different person, and I had to work pretty hard to find myself again. I negotiated my old position back and am happily spending my days learning to be a graphic designer and putting out administrative fires at a large wholesale nursery. I’m very grateful I didn’t burn my bridges professionally, because even though it took some time to work out all the details we were able to come to a good agreement and now I feel like I can happily spend another 10 years or more there. I took a month in between jobs and mom and I took off for a week on a ship to Alaska. Talk about what the doctor ordered! Check out the picture of mom on our cruise – much happier, healthier than last year. Not as much pain on her face. Maybe it was the amazing formal evening we were at that night (with good wine!)
About to get my butt kicked by Jenny McCarthy...
My health is another big area of concern for me. I’ve had troubles with weight gain since my early 20s, with little resolution. I’ve tried so many things. The accident taught me to not give up. The healthier and stronger you are, the better you can recover from injury. It’s that simple. While on my nine-month sabbatical working downtown Vancouver (from Abbotsford… not an easy commute!) I had two awesome experiences. One was a new physiotherapist and the other was a new naturopath. These two health professionals helped me nearly heal my shoulder/neck injury and got me on the road to true recovery. I found out I’m not allergic to anything. Nothing! I had been following a gluten-free diet for two years because I had terrible digestive problems. I avoided milk because I thought I was allergic. No reactions. So now I have wheat and milk (in limited quantities!) and that one test basically opened the world back up for me. I was so afraid of everything I was putting in my body and the anxiety was wrecking me. I changed my diet and things have been getting better. Then I got acupuncture for my neck and my tummy troubles, and it was a miracle. I highly recommend acupuncture for chronic pain. You never know, it might work for you! And I’m working hard to get exercise into my life, daily. I have a Wii Fit now, and the geek in me has grokked it pretty strongly.
So, wondering what this blog will be about? Pretty much a place to jot down and expand my thoughts on the world around me and my interests. My world since the accident is different than my world before, so this will be a different venture than previous blog journeys. I also see this as a broader venue for me, where topics will range from health to tech to fashion and makeup to religion and maybe even politics (but only a little). Oh, and my pets. My dogs are my joy and my heart, and there will be a healthy dose of dog talk (supported with photographic evidence).
If you’re into health, fashion, beauty, cooking, good wine, cute dogs, overcoming obstacles, technology, Macs, productivity, music, gardening and photography – we’ll probably have lots in common and I hope you’ll bookmark the site or grab the feed. I’m a social media fan, so there will be lots of Facebook and Twitter integration too – don’t forget to “friend” and “follow” me!
PS: This post will likely be one of the longest ones on this site!
Mac'd out geek girl; love my husband, my dogs, design, photography, gardening, red wine, eating fresh and local. I do creative stuff at a large Fraser Valley wholesale nursery.
I share your pain with regards to a serious MVA. It’s a tough thing to come through, but you’re doing great! Looking forward to reading more of your blog.
Excellent first entry Rebecca! Looking forward to more of your blog — we have so much in common!
Gorgeous looking site! I’ve bookmarked you, so I’ll definitely be checking in every so often =)